Last Sunday, I attended a wedding in Marblehead at St. Michael's Episcopal 
Church. My husband and I sat next to an attractive and distinguished couple. We also, knelt next to this couple during Communion and spoke all the blessings and declarations commonly found in church wedding ceremonies, this being no different.
At the reception, a family member of the groom pointed out that my pew and its four occupants were "all the talk" of the pre-ceremony gossip. What was it this time? I had forgotten that I tend to be prone to "Six Degrees of Separation" scenarios and this I would soon find was one of them. My husband, Alex, and I were sitting next to Caleb III and Bronwyn Loring who are key opponents of equal marriage rights in Massachusetts. Bronwyn or Bonnie Loring was an one of the thirty "Original Signers" of the petition to define marriage as between a man and a woman, together with her husband being large contributors to VoteOnMarriage.org, is known as a very prolific Letter to the Editor writer in the Salem Evening News whose favorite theme is "gays are too promiscuous to be allowed to marry," but also I know of Bonnie from a very personal connection.
An older gay couple that we know quite well rents a house on the Loring estate in Prides Crossing. They have rented this home for decades from Bonnie's father-in-law and it was at this house that they celebrated their recent marriage after 35 years of being together. Most of the Lorings were invited including Caleb III and Bonnie. All attended except them. Of course, no one would have expected that they would attend, but what came next shocked everyone. Bonnie did not just return the invitation card with "regrets" checked, Bonnie included a letter which admonished the couple, the marriage, same-sex marriage, and gay marriage in general. For one born into and married into privilege, this sort of response was, how can I say it? Oh, I will let my provincial background shine through... "Classless." Bonnie's father-in-law, Caleb's father, has since entrusted the property in his will, so that this couple, now in their 80's may live out their days together on the property, trumping any action by Bonnie to have them evicted.
So back to Sunday's wedding reception...a considerable number of guests understood the dynamics of the Co-Director of KnowThyNeighbor and his husband being seated next to "an original signer" and her husband and surprisingly were on our side. I found myself having to keep some guests from approaching the Lorings, though I appreciated the thought, this would not have been respectful to the occasion or the newly married. I was obliged however to speak to Bonnie and Caleb as that was apparent to all.
Church. My husband and I sat next to an attractive and distinguished couple. We also, knelt next to this couple during Communion and spoke all the blessings and declarations commonly found in church wedding ceremonies, this being no different. At the reception, a family member of the groom pointed out that my pew and its four occupants were "all the talk" of the pre-ceremony gossip. What was it this time? I had forgotten that I tend to be prone to "Six Degrees of Separation" scenarios and this I would soon find was one of them. My husband, Alex, and I were sitting next to Caleb III and Bronwyn Loring who are key opponents of equal marriage rights in Massachusetts. Bronwyn or Bonnie Loring was an one of the thirty "Original Signers" of the petition to define marriage as between a man and a woman, together with her husband being large contributors to VoteOnMarriage.org, is known as a very prolific Letter to the Editor writer in the Salem Evening News whose favorite theme is "gays are too promiscuous to be allowed to marry," but also I know of Bonnie from a very personal connection.
An older gay couple that we know quite well rents a house on the Loring estate in Prides Crossing. They have rented this home for decades from Bonnie's father-in-law and it was at this house that they celebrated their recent marriage after 35 years of being together. Most of the Lorings were invited including Caleb III and Bonnie. All attended except them. Of course, no one would have expected that they would attend, but what came next shocked everyone. Bonnie did not just return the invitation card with "regrets" checked, Bonnie included a letter which admonished the couple, the marriage, same-sex marriage, and gay marriage in general. For one born into and married into privilege, this sort of response was, how can I say it? Oh, I will let my provincial background shine through... "Classless." Bonnie's father-in-law, Caleb's father, has since entrusted the property in his will, so that this couple, now in their 80's may live out their days together on the property, trumping any action by Bonnie to have them evicted.
So back to Sunday's wedding reception...a considerable number of guests understood the dynamics of the Co-Director of KnowThyNeighbor and his husband being seated next to "an original signer" and her husband and surprisingly were on our side. I found myself having to keep some guests from approaching the Lorings, though I appreciated the thought, this would not have been respectful to the occasion or the newly married. I was obliged however to speak to Bonnie and Caleb as that was apparent to all.
This is how it went:
Tom: "Mr. Loring, I would like to introduce myself, I am Tom Lang and this is my husband Alex Westerhoff..."
Caleb: " Oh yes, of course Tom, it is good to finally meet you."
Tom: "I just thought that since we prayed next to each other today, I should at least introduce myself."
Caleb: "It must be God's plan."
Tom: "Mrs. Loring, I am Tom Lang, I just needed to introduce myself and tell you that I really do believe in marriage, even straight ones..."
Bonnie: "I know that you do Tom, we just have to figure out what we are going to call yours."
Tom: "Well, I just thought it was important for my husband and I to introduce ourselves..."
Bonnie: "Thank you so much for coming over to introduce yourself."
Caleb: "Yes, Tom, thank you for doing this."
Uneventful? Yes. Did I change their opinions? More than likely, no. Was it difficult for me to make the first move? Even after all that I have done with KTN, yes, I am admittedly still just a little bit afraid. Was this the correct way to handle the Lorings? Yes, given the circumstances, this was a wedding reception and civility and respect were the "deux mots du jour." Was this meeting a success for Equal Rights? Yes! Sometimes it is easy to forget that our enemies are not always JUST the most vocal or active participants in the fight against GLBT rights. Our enemies can be many things, fear, internalized homophobia, complacency expressed by ourselves or our friends, controlled messages by our GLBT leadership which can create a false sense of purpose, societal propriety, herd mentality, the myth that an individual cannot make a change...
KnowThyNeighbor is here and has always been here to help you understand that most of our enemies are harbored within ourselves and they are sometimes the most easily conquered. My husband and I were the only gay people at that reception, yet we had many people cheering us on, many that we did not even know before that day. The fact that we were brave enough to confront in a very public way those who would hurt us earned the respect of dozens of people who now have even a better reason to be on our side... a personal stake in this.
KnowThyNeighbor is here and has always been here to help you understand that most of our enemies are harbored within ourselves and they are sometimes the most easily conquered. My husband and I were the only gay people at that reception, yet we had many people cheering us on, many that we did not even know before that day. The fact that we were brave enough to confront in a very public way those who would hurt us earned the respect of dozens of people who now have even a better reason to be on our side... a personal stake in this.
Tom Lang, Co-Director